we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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