just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
