I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
