I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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