Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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