Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
