her vagine was all disorganized.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
im on a boat
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