Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
