Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
