would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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