Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
