But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
