we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
