he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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