I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
