she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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