everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
