At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
