so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
