I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
