youre lurking in front of me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
