Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
