well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
