I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
where does the pee come out of this thing
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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