his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
