I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
