Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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