The maid of honor just puked.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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