how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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