you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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