i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
