I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
