YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
