That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
