So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
