I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
