So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
