If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
