a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
it's great music for shaving your balls
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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