if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
