Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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