Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
