After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
