Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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