Got a toothbrush?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
