I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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