Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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