shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
