I looked at my own cervix.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
