You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
