dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
